On one of those ‘week by week’ pregnancy tracking websites they recommend writing a letter to your baby during the last few weeks of pregnancy.  Since I’m down to the last six (hopefully) and getting antsy, I figured I’d give it a try.  I started letters to the baby during the first trimester (I think I was trying to make it seem more real that the nausea I was feeling was associated with what would become a baby) but gave it up before I even hit 20 weeks.

So here goes with letter attempt #2 to chronicle how I’m feeling about my pregnancy and baby.

Dear Baby Mac,

It’s hard to imagine you right now.  You’re the physically closest anyone’s every been to me, and I feel you regularly, but I have no idea what you’ll look like or be like.  I picture you as round-headed with dark hair – that’s how I was born.  I imagine you have your Daddy’s red lips and I hope you have his pretty blue eyes.  Both sides of your family are very smart, so I think you’ll be smart right along with them.  I hope you like to cuddle as much as I do, otherwise there might be several battles in our future and eventually you’ll push me away and say “Mom, stop hugging me already!”  I’m afraid I won’t be able to help it, little one, since I love you very much already.  I don’t picture you looking very much like me, but it’s possible that you will.  I had a dream a few months back where your personality was very much like your Grandma T’s (Daddy’s mom) and I said in my dream “how did I give birth to my mother-in-law?”  Some people, who don’t know your wonderful Grandma T, might think I mean this as a bad thing, but I was thrilled.  Baby, you’re very lucky to come from a family with smart, articulate, thoughtful and loving people so I’m thrilled with whoever’s personality you inherit.  (Though you could not inherit your Daddy’s insomnia and that would be OK.  If possible, try to take after my sleep patterns…)

Daddy and I were thrilled to find out I was pregnant – once we got over being very overwhelmed.  Your Uncle Greg and Auntie Jess were visiting us at the end of October and at the end of their visit I started feeling a little bit sick.  We met up with friends Zach and Rachel on Sunday night for dinner after Greg and Jessica left and by then I was suspecting that you were on the way.  Rachel commented later she noticed I didn’t really drink my wine with dinner.  Our first tell-tale sign was when we walked into a bar after dinner and I turned to your Daddy and said “someone in this bar has tarter sauce and it’s making me sick.”  Sure enough, on the other side of the room someone was eating fish and chips with tarter sauce.  They say that increased sensitivity to smells is a sign of pregnancy, so your Daddy turned to me and said “I think you’re pregnant.”  We didn’t know until two days later (Oct. 28) when I took a pregnancy test first thing in the morning.  It was a little early and I was worried it wouldn’t show up – but sure enough, there was no doubting 2 lines on the stick and a new flutter in my heart.  I crept into bed with Daddy, leaned over and whispered “what do you think about July?”  Daddy is not much of a early morning person, so he kind of grumbled “what about July?”  I said “to have our baby.”  I think it took a couple weeks to sink in for your Daddy, but right away he gave me a hug and kiss.

I’ll admit, Baby, that my first few months of pregnancy were hard and I didn’t feel very good.  I have no doubt that you’ll be worth it, but I didn’t enjoy those few months very much.  By New Years I felt good again and started to get very excited about your arrival.  At our doctors appointment in January we heard your heartbeat – Daddy and I both got tears in our eyes.  You became so much more real to us, and it was very clear that you were not just in our hearts but also in my tummy.  In February I felt your first movements (though it took me a while to figure out what was you moving and what was gas) and we saw your first pictures on the ultrasound (yes, we cried again).  Also in February my cravings started to kick in, and all I wanted to eat was egg salad sandwiches (which are best with a little bit of curry powder mixed in, in case you’re wondering).  In fact, what’s what Daddy and I ate on Valentine’s Day for dinner and it was wonderful.  Besides that, I craved chocolate and cookies and didn’t want to eat anything meat or protein.  That’s getting better now that the pregnancy is almost over, but I still have to force myself to eat enough meat so that you get plenty of protein Baby (Daddy takes this very seriously).

I try not to imagine to far ahead with you Baby and put to much pressure on what we want for you, as opposed to who you’ll be.  You might be athletic and spend lots of time catching baseballs and footballs outside with Daddy (not with me).  I imagine spending whole Saturdays at soccer and little league games that Daddy is coaching while I hand out water bottles and sandwiches.  Or you might take after me and not be athletic.  That’s fine too!  I picture you and I reading books together, going to the park, getting ice cream and walking around downtown, and going to the beach and digging sandcastles.  Mostly I imagine quiet moments at home – you falling asleep on Daddy’s lap and him carrying you to bed, you cuddling with us in bed on a Sunday morning and then we’ll make breakfast together and plan our day, stopping whatever I’m going to look at an art project that you made at the kitchen table, just usual, happy family stuff.  Mostly you just be whoever you want to be, and Daddy and I will do our darndest to be supportive.  We’ll try to create a happy house for you to grow up in and, hopefully, that will make you a happy kid.